My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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