dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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