I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
