i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
