genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This baby is an asshole
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
