all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
