Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
