party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
