she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
