Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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