I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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