So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
