She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
