I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
