Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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