no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think I sprained my soul last night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What changed your mind?
Being sober
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
