Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize