im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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