i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
