There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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