You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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