so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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