I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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