So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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