so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
