I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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