You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Randomize
