Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
