Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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