i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
