Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
