just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize