my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
