how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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