Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
did you just send me my own nude
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
