That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
