Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
