He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
