I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
