oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
