Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
