DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
