nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My dick has a subreddit
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
