a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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