I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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