its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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