I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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