Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
