did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
