I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
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dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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