I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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