Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
