who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
