I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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