your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
handjob tips. give me some.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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