I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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