so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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