Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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