We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
