fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
