Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
