If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
