Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
