WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
