the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
