I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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