Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
