Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
