he thought i was a dude.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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