How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
