How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
