I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
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My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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