She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
