Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
