As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
